This experience forced me to face my future and make some hard decisions and have uncomfortable conversations. My future career goals, or rather my mother’s future career goals for me, have finally been cast to the wayside. Since the beginning of my freshman year of college, I have felt pressured to fulfill a certain role laid out for me. No one factor caused a shift in my parent's mindset from, “Do what makes you happy.” to being forced to follow a rigid set of expectations for my future. In many cases where someone is facing these challenges, the story fails to follow a stereotypical image of a parent explicitly saying, “You must go to med school” or “We will disown you if you don’t follow the path we have laid out for you.” Instead, it's a series of subtler reminders that build up and begin to feel like these immense statements. Statements like, “You were meant to do better things” or “You need to transfer schools if you’re going to follow that path.” that weigh on your mind late into the night and lead you to perform crazy actions like studying 200+ hours for the MCAT or telling everyone you want to be a neurosurgeon even though your inner voice is screaming that this is absolutely the wrong path for you. The breaking point for this vicious cycle finally came when I became a peer educator. This experience was secretly meant to be the last chance to engage in something I loved before I plunged myself into medical school. There would be nights I would sob over studying for the MCAT and wonder if doing something you “love” was supposed to be this miserable. I eventually sunk so low in this deep black hole that I considered dropping out of college. My dream of coming to UW had turned into a nightmare. 

   The tipping point came from a series of nudges from my peers, teachers, TAs, and my girlfriend. One poignant memory I have involved my wonderful UW Honors Academic Advisor, Nadra Fredj. For HONORS 397 we were recommended to attend a mid-quarter check-in for peer educators. I knew what I wanted to say weeks before they actually exited my mouth, but when the moment came I was terrified. Finally, I said the simple yet open-ended phrase, “Can I get some advice?” and after that my words tumbled out like a waterfall. She patiently listened and offered advice when she managed to get a word in between my absolute torrent of words. They were the first person at UW who affirmed my dreams.  I didn’t immediately change my life path or tell my mom that there was no way I was going to medical school, but it was absolutely a major catalyst. 

   This quarter has been a series of ups and downs, and to be honest mostly downs, but being a peer educator was the most amazing experience I have ever had at UW. I would do it again a million times, with no credit, money, or thanks because I did it for myself and it felt wonderful. I’ve learned how to connect with groups of diverse students and be the type of person they need me to be so they can succeed in college. There’s no way to know exactly what my students are thinking and what they thought of the class. If they thought it was boring and hated it, that’s okay, but I hope that even one thing I shared can be used throughout college or their life. They were an amazing group of people that have changed my life in ways they never could have imagined. I’m glad I was able to peer-educate before I enter new leadership roles. I made a lot of valuable mistakes in this class and was fortunate enough to be surrounded by a wonderful group of peer educators as well as Nadra who gave me a safe space to share my mistakes and learn from them.

For the next part of my journey, I’m going to try things that interest me and quit the things I don’t. I’m hoping to find experiences similar to peer education. Next quarter, I get the opportunity to TA for biochemistry, and I am over the moon excited about it. As a leader and tutor, I hope I can be a resource for students to learn and also act as a safe space for other issues. Next time, I teach I want to make more of an effort to connect with the quieter students in my classes. As a shy student myself, it’s easy to feel forgotten by a teacher who tends to focus on those who frequently share in class. However, I have never forgotten the teachers that made an effort to get to know me even if I rarely talked. I love so many things, but there is something special about imparting knowledge to someone or helping someone through a difficult question. Even if I don’t go on to teach professionally I know the valuable lessons I took from this experience I can take with me for the rest of my life.